A month in review:
Dear Italy,
How quickly a month can pass. It seems just yesterday I stepped off the airplane and onto a dead pigeon. You’ve taught me a lot, changed me a bit, and pissed me off from time to time, and so I will voice the following suggestions and praises:
- You’ve done a great job with preservation and restoration. Rome really is like a giant museum. Nice work.
- I appreciate that you have taken pity on stray cats. The cat sanctuary (Argentinian ruins) provides a lovely place, and a safe harbor for the 4-legged (in one case 3-legged) creatures, that would almost positively end up smashed into the cobblestone next to the dead pigeons if you had not found a place for them in your heart. Yer cute.
- On a similar note. Please decrease the number of bedazzled/sequined cat shirts produced.
- It is also imperative that you decrease your production of Pinocchio figurines. He’s simply gotten old and the rest of the world has forgotten him. I realize that he is a key figure in Italian history, but he was not a good person. He was a liar. (see nose)
- You’re doing a great job making pizza and cappuccinos. The prices are fair, and you’ve clearly attained expertise. Keep up the good work!!!1
- In all seriousness, it is quite sad when smiling at, or simply making eye contact with a stranger walking down the street is viewed as a sexual invitation. This needs to be changed immediately.
- You need to lower the price of glitter. It is simply outrageous. The current price severely discourages and inhibits creativity, and makes the production of home-made Mariah Carey music video covers nearly impossible.
- Non-stick pans exist!!!111 I simply don’t have time for anything less.
- I appreciate that, unlike London, pedestrians maintain the right-of-way when confronting motorized traffic. Thanx 4 not killing us.
- Stop assuming that because I am an American, I am solely responsible for electing our current President. Maybe, instead, focus on making your cities not smell like dogshit.
- And stop dissing my country. I just simply can’t take you very seriously when you bad-mouth the United States, and then stomp away humming Bootylicious.
- It’s quite frustrating how you yell at people when they don’t have exact change. This complaint applies to everyone except the man who runs the Tabbachi across from studio- Luv U best friend.
I know there are a lot of negative things listed about you, but please just try to take it as constructive criticism. I have faith that we can get past these differences (assuming you comply with my requests).
Spanx.
<3 Sarah
