LOGJAMMER
Austin has been my home for 2 weeks now. I have three roommates in my temporary abode: my friend, Cory, who I’ve known since middle school, Mark, a 50-something widower-carpenter, and the cockroach I saw crawl behind Cory’s bookshelf last night. When I moved in, Cory informed me of his “2% Theory”. The theory states that, while the majority of the time, Mark seems normal-ish and harmless-ish, every now and then he’ll slip a yellow-ish-red flag comment into a conversation. For example, when Cory moved in, Mark informed him that the wireless password was “logjammer”. LOGJAMMER. I decided not to tell my mother for fear she would have a coronary. Thus, the basis of the “2% Theory” is that on any given night, there is a 2% likelihood that you will be raped. That means that if you stay for 100 nights, on two of those nights you will be log-jammed. Luckily, I’m only staying for a week and a half. Unfortunately, Cory is swiftly approaching his 100th night. Seeing as Mark is somewhat of a procrastinator, my money is on nights #99 and #100.
I spent a couple of days feeling sorry for myself for not having a home/friends/job/cowboyboots. About a week ago I was sitting on my twin cot in Cory’s closet, eating a burrito at 3:30 in the afternoon. I was googling “Sandra Bullock house Austin” (she lives here OMG), listening to my 50-something, shirtless, roommate schedule a date with his diva-girlfriend, Carmen. It was then that I realized I was being a little pathetic.
Things have been on the upswing since then. I signed a lease 3 days ago with a Chinese stranger. Her name is Vivian. She wears Hello Kitty pants, but seems pretty cool. The process was a bit disconcerting, however. Our property manager is also Chinese, so half of our lease was explained to me in Cantonese. I’ve got to brush up on my skills.
We’ve found lots of stuff to do in the city. Monday was horribly boring except for mistakenly wearing my underwear inside out all day. But on Tuesday, Shelly and I took the day “off” and went on a kayaking/biking/swimming adventure. We saw about 4 million turtles.
Texas is full of wildlife— everywhere you look! I had a chance to hone my new wranglin’ skills when we found a lizard in Shelly’s dishwasher the other day. A LIZARD IN THE DISHWASHER. I MEAN WTF. Luckily, I got him out safely— the only casualty being his tail, which proceeded to flop around in the dishwasher for a good 5 minutes WITHOUT A BODY before I grew the balls to retrieve it.
Needless to say, Texas is an interesting place. I think I’ll stay a while (which is good because I just signed a lease until August 2010, and if I leave before then I’m screwed).
